Losing Control
By: Christen Hayes, a Desired Haven Case Manager
Them: How are you doing today?
Me: Oh, I’m fine.
Them: How are things going?
Me: Fine.
Them: Can I help you with that?
Me: I’ve got it under control.
This is how I was living my life. I was putting on a mask for the outside world and pretending that I had it all together, but on the inside I was a mess. My anxiety was out of control and it was affecting my health, my spouse, my kids, and my work. I was grasping for control in all of these areas but things were slipping through my fingers and falling apart.
Quick note about me: I want to be in control of ALL THE THINGS!
My Living Well Counselor was able to teach me about my circle of control. These are the areas and things that I can actually directly do something about. When I spend less time worrying about things that I have little or no control over, I not only decrease the amount of things I worry about, but I also free up time to focus on things that are within my control.
Things I wanted to control but can’t:
-when I die
-what others think of me
-everything about my schedule
-the choices of those around me
Once I had a better grip on what I could control and what I couldn’t, I was able to set up boundaries that allowed me to follow through with my new way of living. I began to memorize Psalm 90:12-17 to help me with trusting God in this life. I worked on finding my worth in Him and letting go of the opinions of others. I freed up some space in my calendar to allow me to be more flexible when unexpected things came up. I let go of the unrealistic belief that the choices of others and the corresponding consequences are my responsibility.
I know that this life is going to have heartache and pain but I am choosing now to be satisfied with the days God gives me. I will rejoice in His unfailing love. I will share of His love and good works to those around me. I will trust in the One who has All things under His control.
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. Relent, Lord! How long will it be? Have compassion onyour servants. Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us, for as many years as we have seen trouble. May your deeds be shown to your servants, your splendor to their children. May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us; establish the work of our hands for us—yes, establish the work of our hands.”
Psalm 90:12-17